My Fifth Anniversary

[kybearfuzz]

Big warm birthday hugs and smooches to susobear, who is absolutely adorable! I hope it's a great one :)

This January marks my 5th year anniversary of coming out of that darn closet. It's been a great ride so far and I look forward to seeing what the future holds.

I usually recount some single event for my anniversary, but I can't decide on just one and it seems like just being out by itself is a big deal.

Not being out until I was thirty, I had an extremely limited social life. Dating was impossible in my opinion and just hanging out with mostly work friends always meant just playing the straight guy. I didn't enjoy it that much as it is hard to maintain the illusion of interest in the opposite sex when the interest never existed. I concentrated on professional development, moved for work a couple of times, bought a house, and tried to make myself as stable as I could. In many ways, I felt like I had a secret identity. Acting one way publicly, and surfing gay internet sites at night in the comfort of my own home.

I’m sure Superman would have loved to tell his friends his true identity many times, but for various reasons kept it to himself. While he could leap tall buildings, mine was the desire to leap on men, cape optional. In my secret identity, I played the game, hooted at girls when the guys were about, especially my dad or the twin to keep up appearances. My true self enjoyed watching pro-wrestling for different reasons than originally presented. I certainly didn't watch Magnum, P.I. for the plot. It was hard to go through high school and watch my sister and the twin go on dates while I sat back and let many experiences pass me by. Experiences that I'm now enjoying and dealing with the same awkward teenage feelings but from an adult perspective.

The upsides of being out – great friends new and old, dating, sex, being comfortable in my own skin. The downsides? I have yet to run into many of those. Honestly, I can't think of any.

At the five year mark of my being out, the initial thrill of being out may be gone, but the end result has been remarkably worthwhile. My secret identity still lingers a little, mostly at work with the unaware, but at least that is more by choice than by necessity. Many of my coworkers have figured it out on their own. The fear is gone, which is by far one of the best parts. The people important to me know who I am now.

The two halves, the real me and the secret identity, have blended into a single person that everyone now gets to deal with. It may sound egotistical, but I like the person I've become. The cape is still optional, but at least it's a fabulous cape.

Comments

[jguy70.livejournal.com]

Happy Anniversary Mark. Coming out at 33, I totally know how you feel and what you went through. I am approaching my 4 year mark in February.

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Congrats yourself! It feels a lot better out of the closet than in, doesn't it? All those mothballs...

[jeremasaur.livejournal.com]

Ahh yeah alot of us who came out late have had similar experiences. Congrats on the 5 years, Handsome. :-)

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Thanks furry bear! I can see why straight girls would want you, you're hot! :)

[dendren.livejournal.com]

happy anniversary Mark... I'm glad you found your identity at long last. Yay for more uber-sexy gay men like you in the world!

and hehehehe... you said being out and gay has been a great ride so far... reminds me of the joke "how did you feel when you found out you were gay?", "well... it was quite a blow" ;)

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

You're way too kind, handsome, thanks :)

[pariahcub.livejournal.com]

Congrats, Sexy! I used to have a similar ulterior motive for sitting through Magnum, P.I. Lmao!

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Oh there was a scene in the intro where Magnum was helping some bimbo swim and you could see his chest.. sigh.. drool....

[bigfundrew.livejournal.com]

YAY!
Great post, sweet man. That's awesome.

and that picture really...um....well....just....gets me.

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Thanks, sweet guy, I'm glad you enjoy it :)

[martini-tim.livejournal.com]

I hope you have a great anniversary Mark. Got anything planned?

I like how you expressed coming out as an adult in terms of "dealing with the same awkward teenage feelings but from an adult perspective". I think this captures the experience very well. I'm in my forties and still dealing with things that most people dealt with when they were less than half my age.

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Tim! :)

Sadly, I wish I remembered the exact date I admitted it, but it's lost, I just remember it was January, after my birthday and on the weekend, which narrowed it down to eight days. Nothing planned really, just my typical Monday stuff.

As for the teenager feelings, they persist. I've actually sat by the phone hoping a certain guy would call before and then realized what an idiot I was for doing that. We muddle through and learn from our mistakes better than our teen counterparts I bet (or hope).

[ui-tomcat.livejournal.com]

Super Hot!

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

LOL.. thanks! :)

[cincycub.livejournal.com]

Nice illustration :) And happy anniversary!

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

LOL! Thanks! I only wish I had one of chrisglass' Born Gay (http://heart.myshopify.com/products/born-gay) tee-shirts. I think it would have looked much better and sold the sentiment more.

[spatts5.livejournal.com]

I think you're a super man! Happy Anniversary (I didn't watch "Magnum PI" for the plot either and I find myself tuning into "Vegas" every so often for the same reason).

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Paul, I think you're pretty super yourself!

And Robert Urich, what a hottie! I watched my share of Vega$ too.

[snowboardjoe.livejournal.com]

Happy anniversary! I came out back in 1995 when I was 26. Hard to believe it's been that long--wow. I would not have guessed it was only 5 years for you. Five years is a long time, but still not so long when you look at your whole life. Interesting to see the comments here where people have been out for a shorter time.

Love the pic and love the Superman reference (leap buildings vs. leap on men). :) Wish more people like you lived closer to me.

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Thanks Joe!

We all come out when we feel it's time I think. To this day, I still have folks asking me when I'm going to get married. My responses vary depending on the person asking, but all fall to "when I find the right one."

And we could live closer. Have you seen the wonders of the Cincinnati area?? :D

[pink-halen.livejournal.com]

I have found that coming out is a continuous process. Every once in a while I have the urge to tell someone else or reveal more that I have in the past. It is always a liberating feeling. I jumped out of my closet at 33. Its been over 20 years. I'm still glad I did.

Hugs from Denver

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Hugs back :)

I've found that outing myself to people is like a gossip trying to hold on to a juice piece of news. You sometimes can't wait to tell it. The shock and surprise is almost fun. My sister proved that when she told all of her friends I was gay after I told her not to. When I asked her why she did it after I asked her not to, she said, "Well, I didn't think you meant THEM!" :D

[madkevinp.livejournal.com]

What A Great Life Story...I pretty much came out kicking and screaming so I have always been gay and have luckily been accepted by friends and family as being "different"...Have A Great Week Handsome...

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Ah, I wish I could have been as bold as you. I often wonder what my life would have been like if I'd come out earlier in life :)

[boobooirl.livejournal.com]

The world is a better place since you're out

(better looking anyway!)

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

You're too kind, handsome.. thanks :)

[sweetjimmyto.livejournal.com]

You're gay?

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

I know it's hard to believe with me being all manly and macho, but it's true!


photo by mikiedoggie

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

No matter the age, what matters is that YOU DID IT! And we're happy to have you :)

Being an awkward teenager at 45 is unnerving, but consider the alternative and suddenly, it's manageable. Big warm hugs, handsome! And congrats on your upcoming first anniversary! :)

[bearinslc.livejournal.com]

Ahh 5 years and just as cute as ever.

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Thanks sexy bear! :)

[boobooboy.livejournal.com]

Congratulations daahhhling! Come out, come out! Whereeeeever you are! The bears and "the gays" are happy to have you!

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

LOL.. that's great, we should have that on a tee-shirt! :D

[prisonbitch.livejournal.com]

happy happy Out day

and a belated b-day to boot!

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I just hit 35 and realized that I can now run for President!

[clintswan.livejournal.com]

you are hot!

congrats!

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

You're very hot yourself! Thanks!

[bradferd23.livejournal.com]

It looks like you have lost weight... Looking very well...

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

I've gone from 240 lbs to 216 lbs as of last week. I'm glad it's showing :)

[texwriterbear.livejournal.com]

Happy Anniversary Mark.
My two year anniversary will be coming up shortly.
Big hugs!!!

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Ah, congrats on two years! That's great!!! :)

[coachbear.livejournal.com]

i got that woof! tee
congrats on the 5 years stud

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

I'm a big fan of the WOOF! tee.. one of my great purchases from DC! And thanks, handsome :)

[mikiedoggie.livejournal.com]

I am so glad you came out, because otherwise I never would have met you! *hugs* and happy anniversary to you.

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Mikie! I'm glad to have met you too! Hugs! :)