March 2015 Question #9

[kybearfuzz]

Asked by the furry bear known as texwriterbear:

"If you could go back in time to tell your 14-year old self something, what would you tell yourself?"

I won't lie. Fourteen was not a good year for me. I started high school that year and encountered the douche-nozzles that would make my life rotten for the next four.

However, that year also marked a huge turning point in my life in a very defining way. My family never had money. We weren't even middle-class. We were poor. And I know a lot of people say that, but we were seriously poor. Always broke, my parents got calls from creditors all the time. Bills were always behind and paid late and generally my grandparents had to provide when something extra was needed.

And that summer, things got worse.

My dad had a massive stroke. He and Mom stayed in a Lexington hospital, about 90 minutes up the road, for two weeks. Dad was the breadwinner and his paychecks were now gone. Mom had just started a job as a clerk in a shoe store and she had to quit. For those two weeks, my teenage sibs and I learned self-sufficiency, taking care of the house all on our own and burning through our parents' meager savings quickly. After that came welfare and food stamps, then Dad collected SSI, which had us going from "poor" to "dirt poor." Dad would never work again.

So, I have thought of this question in the past many times. That summer, the tell-tale signs of Dad's upcoming massive stroke were there. None of us knew them for what they were. Dad never had regular doctor visits which would have detected them. If had the chance to tell my 14-year-old self something, I'd tell him about dad's upcoming stroke and to get him to a doctor as soon as possible, by whatever means necessary.

I have no idea if this would have made a difference in how the future turned out, but I would like to think it would have bought us some sort of quality father-son time, because we never really had any after the stroke and had very little before it.

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March is question month. If you'd like to ask me a question, you can post it here.

Comments

[texwriterbear.livejournal.com]

Well that's a great answer. You are right. I'm sure the quality father-son time would be greatly remembered.
Sorry to hear you had such a tough time, but I'm sure it helped mold you into the man you are today.
Big Hugs!!!

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Thanks furry bear! Big hugs back.

[mort-83.livejournal.com]

That's a great question!

And a great answer. Thanks for sharing that, Mark. I had no idea that times were so tough back then. I agree with Kramer..it did mold you--I bet that's why you're so self sufficient now.

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I think you are right. My brother, sister, and I are all relatively self-sufficient and it's likely the experience influenced us all to be that way.

[changeling72.livejournal.com]

That's really sad. Life is shit sometimes. He must have been relatively young?

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

He was 53 at the time, but my dad never took care of himself -- he ate fatty, fried foods, never exercised, and was significantly overweight. In retrospect, I am surprised it hadn't happened sooner.

[dendren.livejournal.com]

wow, that truly is one of the most unique and heartfelt "what would you tell the younger you" answers I've ever read.

Even if I could go back and tell myself I will be ok and life will be awesome, I don't think I would. The path and trials I faced put me where I am now. Even a touch of hope in those times could change all that. I'm too much of a comic/sci fi geek to not freak out at the possibility of fucking things up by changing the past. DC has gone to hell since Flash saved his mother in Flashpoint LOL

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

LOL... I know. I watched "The Flash" this week and saw how changing the past messed up things. And I personally would love for the Flashpoint thing to reverse course. I'm not sure what DC is up to next, but all the current and upcoming changes are getting on my nerves. They've lost all sense of continuity.

[dendren.livejournal.com]

they have pretty much flat out said that post Convergence continuity is low on their priority list, and good stories are high. If they can get the last part right I'd feel better but right now they aren't providing much of either. I do enjoy the new Batgirl stuff they are putting out, and it does sort of fly in the face of continuity (especially the characterization between her and Dianh), but some of the other things they are looking at... meh. Black Canary hanging out singing with a band? A league of Robins? really? I shouldn't judge yet but grrrrr.

Someone asked what I think about the upcoming 2 month Convergence event, just based on my feelings seeing the covers alone I think it will be very enjoyable but ultimately just a painful reminder of what I miss most about DC, and losing again :P

[dendren.livejournal.com]

something to ponder though... not sure it is really a question for the month but more of a ponderable. I came out at 14, I often wonder how my life would be different if that hadn't happened. How do you think your life might be different if you had come out at 14, and given the chance to change that, would you?

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Honestly, coming out at 14 was not an option in my neck of the woods.

I couldn't admit it to myself, and even if I could have, my family wouldn't have been able to handle it. Being perceived as a "sissy" in high school was bad enough. Being a confirmed homo in that environment, everyone would have made life unbearable. And I truly think it would have been dangerous.

[dendren.livejournal.com]

yes... but if the world had been different. It's interesting to wonder how that would have changed the you you are now. Somewhere on "Earth-Mark was able to come out at 14", there is an answer LOL