Twelve

[kybearfuzz]

This month marks my twelfth anniversary of coming out of the closet. In many ways I'd thought certain things in my life would have developed by now, but other things have exceeded my expectations and some unexpected things have been grand surprises.

This year I thought I would write about something that quickly became a constant after coming out and that would be my online presence. I can't imagine how coming out would have been if the internet had not been available. I often wonder if I would have come out earlier in my life if the internet had been so developed during my college years. Having access to so many gay-related things online gave me the ability to explore and research things in a safe way without any significant risk. Don't get me wrong, I did a fair amount of looking around online when I was in the closet, but it bolstered my courage when I finally felt the time was right.

Silly as it may sound, one of the first things I gave myself as a gift was a paid profile on Bear411. It was a safe social outlet while I was still getting my feet wet in the local gay bar scene. It was fun chatting to guys both local and far away, including the handsome fellers overseas. In fact, one of guys I still chat with is a Canadian bear who was then at university in Germany. One day he was lamenting that it was difficult to get peanut butter. So, as a gift, I sent him four jars of peanut butter in the mail. We've been friends ever since and I have yet to meet him in person. That's something I hope to remedy this summer.

The year of 2003 was also the year I started Livejournal. I was preparing to take my first trip overseas for work and another online friend suggested that I start this journal to document the experience. So I did. Not only was this a place to document my domestic and overseas trips, but also my thoughts, my cartoons, and my experiences. It's also a place I made and continue to make good friends, including those that still read this and those who have had closed up shop on their journals. Before most everyone jumped ship, I bought a permanent account, so I'm not planning on leaving anytime soon.

Of course, the next evolution of meeting people was Facebook. I was hesitant to join it at first. I didn't like the idea that my gay life was going to be so public, but I then realized that that "public" was the point of "being out." Facebook has its good points, I admit, but I could never write something like this entry on Facebook. Facebook is like reading the headlines of a newspaper. Livejournal allows for reading the details of the story. It's one of the reasons why I'll keep my journal going.

Of course, Bear411 has changed to and there are other options available now. iPhone apps like "Growlr" and "Mister" are out there and it allows for chatting with handsome bears from all over at the touch of a icon.

Oh, how far we've come. How far we will go. I admit that I'm happy to have come out in such a time.

Comments

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I didn't officially come out to family until I was 36. My first exploration into the gay world was in the 1970's, 20 years before I had my first computer. The first person I made friends with online was 1996 and it was Tim. My only method of meeting guys other than bars was AOL M4M. Live Journal and Facebook are the only sites to which I belong. I use them for entirely different purposes, along the lines of what you've described.