The Wicker Tree
Feb. 24th, 2013 09:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kybearfuzzIt's been a slow weekend for me. I've not felt overly outgoing, did a lot of sleeping, etc. I want to do more drawing, but honestly have not felt those creative juices flowing.
However, my love for horrible movies led me to "The Wicker Tree". It had played briefly at the local art theater last year, but I didn't get to see it. I loved the original "The Wicker Man" and thought this might be fun too.
Oh... my... what a FUBAR movie... I'm not even going to worry about spoilers, because I'm doing you a favor.
It is the story of a couple of evangelical young people who travel to Scotland to spread the word. One is a reformed pop singer, turned gospel darling. The other is a Texas cowboy, and he was CUTE! Both are virgins and wear purity rings. Their behavior is a bit over-the-top really and her singing is horrible. So they are led to venture to rural Scotland where pagan rituals are still commonplace to convert the Scots. What the couple doesn't know is that they are being led to the area to be sacrificed in a fertility ritual because the local nuclear power plant has caused the local population to become sterile. Of course, it takes a LONG time to get to any action in this flick. The best part is last half hour.
While the ladies of the village coin the girl "The May Queen," her cowboy fiancee ends up finding a naked girl praying to the sun god while in a pond. She invites him in, he hums about it a bit, then strips and wades in. Nice furry butt, nice furry chest. Girl was... meh.
Intermittently, the girl from the pond is screwing the local constable. No real purpose in it, but they get it on a couple of times in the movie. I read that the constable was supposed to be undercover from another place, trying to solve the disappearances, but this didn't come out in the flick. He did get a lot of sex out of it though. One was even subtitled, seriously! He wasn't bad. Girl was still... meh.
Anyway, the day of the festival, the cowboy becomes "The Laddie," essentially the human fox being pursued by the horsemen. He thinks it's a game. When he succeeds in evading the group to the castle ruins, he smiles and waits for them to catch up. In congratulations, the horsemen (and women) strip down, tear him apart with their bare hands, and eat him.
The May Queen gets herself nearly poisoned, but eventually knocked out. She's literally on a table, naked, while a woman brushes her body with oil. She's left in a room where she wakes up and finds the past May Queens, all perfectly preserved and dead, sitting in chairs. She dresses in the May Queen gown and makes a run for it. She finds all the naked Scots dancing around the "wicker tree" and kills the local lord who brought her there by setting on fire (shame because he was a cute daddy bear).
She tries to leave, but eventually gets recaptured and we find her later, sitting in a chair along with the rest of the past May Queens.
Trust me, there are better movies to watch.
However, my love for horrible movies led me to "The Wicker Tree". It had played briefly at the local art theater last year, but I didn't get to see it. I loved the original "The Wicker Man" and thought this might be fun too.
Oh... my... what a FUBAR movie... I'm not even going to worry about spoilers, because I'm doing you a favor.
It is the story of a couple of evangelical young people who travel to Scotland to spread the word. One is a reformed pop singer, turned gospel darling. The other is a Texas cowboy, and he was CUTE! Both are virgins and wear purity rings. Their behavior is a bit over-the-top really and her singing is horrible. So they are led to venture to rural Scotland where pagan rituals are still commonplace to convert the Scots. What the couple doesn't know is that they are being led to the area to be sacrificed in a fertility ritual because the local nuclear power plant has caused the local population to become sterile. Of course, it takes a LONG time to get to any action in this flick. The best part is last half hour.
While the ladies of the village coin the girl "The May Queen," her cowboy fiancee ends up finding a naked girl praying to the sun god while in a pond. She invites him in, he hums about it a bit, then strips and wades in. Nice furry butt, nice furry chest. Girl was... meh.
Intermittently, the girl from the pond is screwing the local constable. No real purpose in it, but they get it on a couple of times in the movie. I read that the constable was supposed to be undercover from another place, trying to solve the disappearances, but this didn't come out in the flick. He did get a lot of sex out of it though. One was even subtitled, seriously! He wasn't bad. Girl was still... meh.
Anyway, the day of the festival, the cowboy becomes "The Laddie," essentially the human fox being pursued by the horsemen. He thinks it's a game. When he succeeds in evading the group to the castle ruins, he smiles and waits for them to catch up. In congratulations, the horsemen (and women) strip down, tear him apart with their bare hands, and eat him.
The May Queen gets herself nearly poisoned, but eventually knocked out. She's literally on a table, naked, while a woman brushes her body with oil. She's left in a room where she wakes up and finds the past May Queens, all perfectly preserved and dead, sitting in chairs. She dresses in the May Queen gown and makes a run for it. She finds all the naked Scots dancing around the "wicker tree" and kills the local lord who brought her there by setting on fire (shame because he was a cute daddy bear).
She tries to leave, but eventually gets recaptured and we find her later, sitting in a chair along with the rest of the past May Queens.
Trust me, there are better movies to watch.
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no subject
Date: 2013-02-25 04:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-02-25 12:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-02-25 01:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-09 08:24 pm (UTC)Don’t the movie-makers actually read the script? Don’t they know any critics, or at least movie people, or drama professors, from whom they could elicit sound advice? How anyone could spend that kind of money without any Quality Assurance process involved is beyond my understanding!
In a manner of speaking, bad-movie parody groups should find it hard going, with the movie-makers conspiring to produce all A-class products. Well, it’s a thought, anyway!