Money for Strangers

[kybearfuzz]

• In the summer of 1994, I started working in Cincinnati. One day, on a walk to lunch by myself, I had a guy ask me for a couple of bucks for gas as he'd run out. I gave him the money thinking he was truly in trouble. A month later, I had the same guy ask for gas money a block away when I was with friends.
  
  
• In December 2011, I was in Sacramento, CA for a training class. While walking from dinner with some local friends, a young bespectacled woman in a hoodie asked us for money. One of my buddies growled at her and she walked away disinterested.
  
  
• In September 2012, I was in Rockville, MD, walking from the metro stop to my hotel with my bags and got stopped by a frantic young woman who had "run out of gas." I gave her four bucks and she asked me if I could spare more. I growled at her, literally.
  
  
• Today, in the grocery store parking lot as I was putting a 20 lb. box of cat litter in my car, a young man walked up to me, telling me he was in college (he had a college ID around his neck --- no joke), and asked if I could spare some money. I just looked at him and said, "Dude, seriously, no." He got annoyed, "Why not? Did I offend you?" Really, he got annoyed because I wouldn't give him money. I thought he was picking for a fight, but he walked away cursing me.

These are four examples I recall of many years of my being asked for money by strangers. It annoys me because I've hardened a lot in my beliefs about giving money to people who do this. In 1994, when I gave the guy the money, I remember feeling like I had helped someone. My co-workers told me that I had been scammed and I had hoped they were wrong. When he reappeared some weeks later and repeated his begging, I knew they were right.

It is really a shame. Now whenever someone asks me for money in parking lots or on the streets (well... usually), I often shrug them off or kindly say no. It's starting to occur more often, not sure if it's the economy or not, so I'm becoming more surly in my attitude. What irritates me that if someone truly did need help, I can see myself snapping at them and I would guess a lot of people just might too.

I pray that I can discern the real people in trouble from the street actors.

Comments

[putzmeisterbear.livejournal.com]

There is a scam I've seen several time here in the city of asking for some money for gas, usually with "my family's in the car a few blocks away" or some such. Panhandlers in SF are very aggressive. They have passed laws but that hasn't stopped them.

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

I've encountered the "gas money" people repeatedly, and almost always in parking lots of grocery stores.

The aggressiveness of the panhandlers is a mystery to me. Do they think pissing us off is going to make us change our minds and give them money??

Cincinnati has a law that they can't ask for money, but it doesn't stop them from asking you to buy a cup of coffee for them or shaking a cup with change in it.

[barak.livejournal.com]

Yeah, there was one guy in SOMA who would always walk up to people and say nothing but shove his outstretched hand into your face. He was so aggressive that he was doing it in our store before we finally banned him (with police being called). Its too bad because he was definitely spiraling, but he wouldn't be helped by anything except a handout.

[dorisduke.livejournal.com]

Yes getting asked for money is a constant over the years. One time being asked for gas money I offered to get the gas for him, he refused the offer.

But in the last 15 years when asked by anyone I simply say, sorry but I never carry cash, which is true.

If they persist and ask me to get some off of my card. I mention my card is not set up to get cash. Which again is true.

They go away.

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

They seriously have asked you to get some money off your card?? Now that is ballsy!

There are times I have thought of acting just as crazy as they do to scare them off, but ... well, sometimes I just don't think of it ;)

[epinoid.livejournal.com]

I never know - I want to help and i don't want to be shamed by getting scammed. But then there are "legitimate" charities that seem like scams anyhow.

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

True, but finding out if a charity is a scam is usually pretty easy. One internet search and you have the info.

[notdefined.livejournal.com]

It is a tough one. I try to take food when when I can, but never give cash to do so would nearly always cause more problems than it helps.

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Very true.

[barak.livejournal.com]

Before I moved to SF, I had never been approached and asked for money. After I arrived in SF, I found I was being approached for money on a daily basis by certain people. One guy would just walk right into our store and hold his hand out. We had to ban him from entering because of how aggressive he was.

Since I never carry cash, I am averse to handing out money. If the asker persisted, I'd ask what they needed it for- usually they were "broke". I would ask them if they need help finding assistance, food, shelter I'd be happy to help but I didn't do cash. Only once did I ever have anyone take me up on a meal- and he really looked like it.

Also, I found any leftovers from eating out that I offered the "homeless" would usually be refused-- likely another sign of a false front.

Its rather disappointing that people like yourself feel burned after being kind and generous to the less fortunate.

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

I always carry some money on me, not a lot, but usually enough to buy lunch on the odd day when the credit card machine is not working.

To be aggressive when begging seems like an oxymoronic situation. The point to ride on the kindness of the person, but to mix it with an attitude to make the person less likely to hand out the cash would be counter-productive.

[badgerpdx.livejournal.com]

I was remembering today, my move across the country, and having my truck's gas gauge on empty... as I drove up the highway, reasonably late at night, I saw an exit that said gas. HOORAY! I'm saved! I got to the gas station with a sinking heart: Long boarded up and closed. Got back in the truck and started up the highway. Engine coughed, I panicked. I spied a farmhouse on the other side of the highway fence with the lights on. I parked the truck and clambored across the thankfully not busy highway. Knocked on the door, and when the a woman answered, I stated that I had run out of gas and the gas station was boarded up. Did she have a gallon or two that she could sell me? Amazingly, she directed me to the barn where there was the usual red gas can with 5 gallons in it. She said to use the whatever was in there, and just return the can. Refusing my money.

Ironically, of course, there was a fully functioning gas station at the next exit, but I'll never forget her kindness. I wish I had thought to take down her address so I could have sent a thankyou card.

You can't control someone else's behavior... only your own. That being said, I tell everyone I don't carry money, but I always have a charity apple or orange in my car or backpack to give to someone who's hungry.

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

She was a really sweet lady. And the fact that you offered her cash for the gas made her realize your sincerity I'm sure.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I guess the real questions are ... Can you afford to give away the money, scam or not? If so, and it makes you feel good, then does it really matter? The beggar has to live with him or herself. It's never an issue for me, as I never have cash on me.

Yesterday, I arrived at work only to discover that someone had stolen the entire coffeemaker from our lobby. It's the third time this year. We put out cookies and make coffee every morning for our residents. I had to quit buying sugar and creamer in bulk and have to lock up the coffee and cookies or residents steal it. I really believe we should stop offering coffee and make it clear that we won't as long as a few assholes feel like they have to steal! I've seen kids as young as seven come in and pour a cup of coffee! :)

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

I often can afford to give the money away, but there is a strong difference between feeling like I helped someone in need and feeling like I've been conned. If an obviously homeless person came up to me, giving them aid would be one thing. When an obviously clean and healthy man walks up to me with a story about being a college student, wearing his college ID around his neck (which is odd and I believe is used to create some false credibility to a sob story), I feel like I'm being hassled and shaken down.

And I can't believe that anyone would just heist the coffee machine. Have you thought of having a security camera put in the lobby??

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

We do have a security camera, but someone would have to look through hours of coverage since we're not exactly certain when it was taken. It's the third time this year!

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

It might be worth while to zoom through it. Once the person gets arrested and knowledge of the camera is there, it might stop vanishing.

Not sure how your camera is set up, but if it's something where you can skip hours, you might be able to narrow it down quickly.

[mat-t.livejournal.com]

Being a New Yorker, I've had to learn to basically just ignore people most of the time. It's sad, but if I didn't, I'd be giving out money every 20 feet in Manhattan...