Wednesday Funnies & Birthday Wishes
Jan. 16th, 2008 01:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kybearfuzzBig birthday hugs to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cubtharsis and belated birthday hugs to jeffinthebox!
Here are a few jokes sent to me today to liven up the Wednesday hump.
Watch What You Ask For
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.
She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!"
The next morning Bob got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the hosue. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.
Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
**Editorial note: I'm not sure how true this is **
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document the repairs ont he form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never elt it be said that the ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever had an accident.
----------------
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, flight right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last...
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
cubtharsis and belated birthday hugs to jeffinthebox!Here are a few jokes sent to me today to liven up the Wednesday hump.
Watch What You Ask For
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.
She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!"
The next morning Bob got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the hosue. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.
Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
**Editorial note: I'm not sure how true this is **
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document the repairs ont he form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never elt it be said that the ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever had an accident.
----------------
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, flight right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last...
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 06:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 07:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 07:25 pm (UTC)Thanks Mark!!
no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 07:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 07:44 pm (UTC)The missing engine is still my favorite.