Tuesday Funny

[kybearfuzz]

I know so many bears are the computer and support departments, so I thought you all would get a kick out of this one. Enjoy!

How to Please Your IT Department

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
   
   
2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.
   
   
3. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.
   
   
4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.
   
   
5. When I.T. support sends you an email with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.
   
   
6. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.
   
   
7. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
   
   
8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.
   
   
9. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.
   
   
10. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.
    
    
11. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.
    
    
12. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.
    
    
13. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
    
    
14. Don't learn the proper term for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "My thingy blew up."
    
    
15. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.

Comments

[scifibear99.livejournal.com]

I think I will pass this on to the I.T. department. Monte should get a kick out of it. The ladies upstairs call the poor guy for everything. :)

More...

[book-of-daniel.livejournal.com]

I used to have these guidelines years ago and lost them. I was just looking for a copy a few weeks ago. I remember there being a few more though...

16. When an IT person is walking into the bathroom or using the urinal, dont hesitate to ask him why you cant get your email. We only go into the restrooms to find the people who dont have time to call the help desk directly.

17. Feel free to bring your kids into the office when you're working weekends and install their pc games somewhere to keep them busy. It professionals love reformatting drives when your kid's active X controls from Quake conflict with company specific databases.

18. Low toner is a high severity issue always. Your IT person should be paged at lunch if necessary.

19. When you see your office IT person at the grocery store or at the mall, dont hesitate to ask questions about why your monitor at home is flickering. We're not out buying groceries or toilet paper, we're hunting for problems to fix on our spare time.

20. Your keyboard works much better with two pounds of muffin, chips, and cookie crumbs in and around your keys. The crumbs cushion the force of the typing and makes it last much much longer.

Re: More...

[cincycub.livejournal.com]

GREAT additions.

[orange-groves.livejournal.com]

Sounds like my office.....

[baeritone.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't dare print this out and put it up here at work. Too many people who stop by my cube might think it was serious and start DOING these things. Irony is lost on them.

(Aside: will we see you in Columbus this Saturday, especially since the lovely and talented ericdabear will be joining us?)

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Oh I wish I could, as Eric is one of my favorite folks in the whole wide world, but I'm actually planning a trip home this weekend.

[cincycub.livejournal.com]

These are so, so true. So sad :)

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know. Having done some software support in my office, the calls I would get would border on the ridiculous and psychotic.

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

In some ways it sounds like my last office. There though, we call the copier service guy when our copiers go on the blink, the printer guy when one of the printers goes, but we install all toners though.

But for computer related stuff? Call It and they can fix the problem remotely.

Remote office y'know.

[hylandr.livejournal.com]

Have you been listening in on my tech calls?

IT's true

[arktos62.livejournal.com]

I sent these to our (decidedly bearish) IT guy and he completely empathised.