Spotlight on my Obi-Wan
Jan. 22nd, 2005 10:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kybearfuzzAfter my anniversary posting, I've gotten some great feedback from you all and I thank you for that. It's got me to thinking about some other issues that came along with coming out. I got lucky and met a guy who helped explain a lot of it to me.
I've done spotlight posts before on friends of mine from work that are extremely interesting or cool. There is one guy in my life who helped things along so much after my coming out. His name is Bill.
After coming out, I had lots of questions, questions that I didn't feel that any straight person could explain to me. Like in the movie Kinsey, I was like a newly married couple who knew much about the mechanics of sex, but lacked any real experience at it. Like any other research I've done, I looked for answers in books. The gay and lesbian section of Borders and Barnes & Noble was visited often. I bought "The New Joy of Gay Sex," "the Ins and Outs of Gay Sex," and "The 100 Most Asked Questions About Sex Between Men." While all of the books were informative, I realized how impersonal they were. They answered a lot about sex, but not about dating or relationships. Don't get me wrong, sex is wonderful. Dating is really the hard part. There are very few books that go there and the few that are around aren't the best, in my opinion. I needed someone who had some experience, someone who could give me answers to some very personal questions. Not because I was wanting dirty talk, but just some frank discussion. Where the hell do you find someone like that? This was post Jan really, so I wasn't sure how to pursue this.
As luck would have it, I wouldn't have to wait long. I had met a guy on Bear411 who was just a friend. He lived in Detroit, but his partner lived in town here. After much chatting, he wanted to introduce me to his partner who was slow at making friends here. His partner was Bill. Bill has a PhD in Neurobiology and was doing some Post Doc work at a nearby university. He is funny and smart, a big furry bear of a guy. Both having degrees in science and loving certain television shows, we hit it off quickly. Bill had had a wilder life in the past, experiences that he was more than happy to describe to me as my questions came up, just to satisfy my rather innocent curiosity. It was great, like having an older brother to go to for information. I went through some dating spells with his advice in tow, went to a few gay bars with him, and even spent an evening watching Dame Edna. On some of my very cautious dates, he was my lifeline of sorts. I would tell him where and with who I was going out with, in case things went bad and I needed an out. It's what good friends are for.
Sadly, Bill eventually went back to Detroit to be with his partner and to finish up some research. I still talk to him every now and then. He and his partner recently broke up, which I hated to hear, but I know these things happen. He's looking for a teaching position at a university, I'm hopeful he'll return nearby.
I've done spotlight posts before on friends of mine from work that are extremely interesting or cool. There is one guy in my life who helped things along so much after my coming out. His name is Bill.
After coming out, I had lots of questions, questions that I didn't feel that any straight person could explain to me. Like in the movie Kinsey, I was like a newly married couple who knew much about the mechanics of sex, but lacked any real experience at it. Like any other research I've done, I looked for answers in books. The gay and lesbian section of Borders and Barnes & Noble was visited often. I bought "The New Joy of Gay Sex," "the Ins and Outs of Gay Sex," and "The 100 Most Asked Questions About Sex Between Men." While all of the books were informative, I realized how impersonal they were. They answered a lot about sex, but not about dating or relationships. Don't get me wrong, sex is wonderful. Dating is really the hard part. There are very few books that go there and the few that are around aren't the best, in my opinion. I needed someone who had some experience, someone who could give me answers to some very personal questions. Not because I was wanting dirty talk, but just some frank discussion. Where the hell do you find someone like that? This was post Jan really, so I wasn't sure how to pursue this.
As luck would have it, I wouldn't have to wait long. I had met a guy on Bear411 who was just a friend. He lived in Detroit, but his partner lived in town here. After much chatting, he wanted to introduce me to his partner who was slow at making friends here. His partner was Bill. Bill has a PhD in Neurobiology and was doing some Post Doc work at a nearby university. He is funny and smart, a big furry bear of a guy. Both having degrees in science and loving certain television shows, we hit it off quickly. Bill had had a wilder life in the past, experiences that he was more than happy to describe to me as my questions came up, just to satisfy my rather innocent curiosity. It was great, like having an older brother to go to for information. I went through some dating spells with his advice in tow, went to a few gay bars with him, and even spent an evening watching Dame Edna. On some of my very cautious dates, he was my lifeline of sorts. I would tell him where and with who I was going out with, in case things went bad and I needed an out. It's what good friends are for.
Sadly, Bill eventually went back to Detroit to be with his partner and to finish up some research. I still talk to him every now and then. He and his partner recently broke up, which I hated to hear, but I know these things happen. He's looking for a teaching position at a university, I'm hopeful he'll return nearby.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-01-23 05:52 pm (UTC)