Being Out for Three Years

[kybearfuzz]

I wish I had recorded the exact day when I looked into the mirror and accepted the fact I was gay. I remember it was January 2003, but the day is pretty much lost to me. In looking back it seemed so much was going on at the time that the days blurred together. And of course, I didn't have LJ to document it all. Too bad, I think I would have enjoyed having that on record.

I think for this year's anniversary, I'll recount my very first date. I don't mean my first gay date, specifically, but rather my first date.. EVER... at age 30, that just happened to be with a guy :)

I went my first 30 years without dating. I just felt that dating a girl was dangerous, that she'd think something was wrong with me and tell the world. I buried myself in school work for years and later was living in Kansas, which I always viewed as temporary which helped with my excuse of why I never wanted to date the local gals.

So after the coming out process, I popped myself onto a few dating websites and looked around. It was April 2003 and I started chatting with a cute guy that I'll refer to as Tom. Tom was a cute guy, built about like me -- stocky with dark hair and a goatee. He was a fan of cartoons, which left us with a lot to talk about. After some chatting, Tom and I set a date to have dinner and hang out at Carol's on Main, which ironically was one of the places my therapist at the time was recommending I visit. So in my black shirt and jeans, I went off to meet this guy, my first date. I was rather self-conscious, of course, because it was my first date and I had my newly attached braces.

It was a Wednesday, I walked into the restaurant, it was a relatively warm day, and there he was sitting at a booth in a black tee-shirt, jean shorts, a lose button up shirt over him and a ball cap. It wasn't what I thought I'd see him in on a date, but he was very cute. I remember thinking that he had one of the thickest goatees I'd ever seen and his eyes were nearly crystal blue, incredibly beautiful. He was also incredibly furry -- arms, legs, nearly every inch of him I could see. Except his head, which was covered by the ball cap.

We had a very nice dinner. He bought me a few gifts for my coming out, including the multi-colored ring necklace and a rainbow bear air freshener for the car. Not the finest gifts in the world, but I thought it was very cute. After dinner and talking, we drove over to Hamburger Mary's, my first visit there too. On a Wednesday, there wasn't much of a crowd. The tall, skinny dude with red hair that still bartends there was working. I remember that he smarted off to Joan, the drag queen hostess, who ended up slapping him. I thought to myself, it's a dude in dress and I wouldn't put up with it.

We were sitting at the bar watching Eddie Izzard: Dress to Kill on the TV. The bartender actually turned off the music and turned up the volume so we could enjoy it. We sat at the bar for a couple of hours. Over that time, we slowly started getting closer and closer to each other. He put his arm around me and I remember how incredibly warm he was. After years of not being near another person like that, I never realized how ... electric... it felt to feel the warmth and touch of another person in a romantic way. My hand brushed his leg and ended up on his knee for quite a while. I was getting very smitten with him very quickly, one of the negatives of being newly out and inexperienced in dating.

It being Wednesday, we both had to get home. So as I was leaving, I told him I'd drive him back to his car. It turned out that he didn't have one and was going to call a cab. I didn't realize that he didn't have wheels as I had met him at the restaurant, so I offered to drive him home. We sat in his apartment parking lot for a few minutes, kissing (my very first kiss too.. and it was damn good) and doing some innocent groping. I got to feel his very furry chest, which just drove me crazy. We ended it before either of us got too far along. So I said good night and looked forward to seeing him again.

Sadly, we only went out one more time over the next few weeks. It seemed that neither of us could find the time to date, so I decided that we should just be friends before I got more involved. I've seen Tom online and out a couple of times, but I've never said hi. He and I were hanging out with different groups and it just didn't feel right I guess. I wish I could tell him the important place in my history he holds. One never forgets his first kiss or his first date.

Comments

[cachorro34.livejournal.com]

That's a good story! Thanks for sharing! And Happy Anniversary! *HUG*

[mikiedoggie.livejournal.com]

That's a good story Mark... and an interesting first date. Thank you for sharing that. Happy anniversary!

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

What a great story Mark.

Interestingly enough, I had come out 2 years before you did, but at the age of 36. However, the actual day was in mid November, on a cold, wet and somewhat snowy day at that. :-)

But not before having my first tryst during the whole 7 months it took to come to this realization.

[madkevinp.livejournal.com]

That Was Very A Very Nice Memory, Thanks For Sharing...

[bradferd23.livejournal.com]

Huggs... I was a late bloomer at 25 as well... And mine was total accident.... but I am glad it happened. :) Huggs on your anny !!! :)

[algebear.livejournal.com]

That was fun to read! Thanks...

[daddytodd.livejournal.com]

I also came out at 30; that was in 1990. I was out (to myself and an ever-widening circle of friends and acquaintances) for several months before I had my first gay "date," which was far more stratighforwardly sexual than yours, and not particularly romantic or memorable. I don't remember his name, but I do remember getting carpet burns on my knees...

[dendren.livejournal.com]

a very cool memory. I often wonder what my life would have been like had I not come out so early. I remember a lot of firsts, but an actual first date, I really don't remember it at all. I'm envious of ya for that (in a good way :)

[martini-tim.livejournal.com]

Nice story, Mark. I also came out in January 2003, but I was 37. I was a VERY late bloomer.

[bookish-cub.livejournal.com]

Thanks for sharing your story!

[boobooirl.livejournal.com]

That's a great story!
I took 10 months to go on my first gay date. He sounds lovely. You were definitely going for quality rather than quantity!

[bearfuz.livejournal.com]

Sweet story. Even brought a hint of a tear to my eye.

[hankbear.livejournal.com]

Thanks for sharing! Sounds a lot like my experience. I wish I could remember some of the details better, though.

[truebrixon.livejournal.com]

Thanks for sharing your story Mark. I know I too have fond memories of my first date and kiss. Of course I'm sorta wierd in that I'm just now starting to come out almost 6 years later! Happy Anniversary Mark! :)

[bigreddee.livejournal.com]

Happy Anniversary, Mark! That electric feel is unmistakeable...though I came out at 21, I totally relate to that first time.

[pariahcub.livejournal.com]

Really enjoyed reading this. Happy Anniversary! *hug*

[rixtur.livejournal.com]

Great story, I cant remember my first date, must not have been memorable. you and I must have been chatting with each other now for quite some time, I met ya when you hadn't had your braces for very long. Time flies

[signinginohio.livejournal.com]

Very Nice Story Mark....I remember when I decided to come out It was August 2001 when I was 34. Yes another late bloomer here...and still learning as I go :)