Out for 15

January 2018 marks the 15th anniversary of my coming out of the closet. Normally, I try to have something interesting to write about, but for some reason I'm coming up blank. I looked back at past entries to see what I'd written about. Last year, I didn't even post an entry as I had just gotten home after a disastrous weekend-long trip home from Seattle and I must have forgotten.

One thing that has changed since I first came out is the perception that people have of gay people. When I first came out in 2003, I kept my gayness close to the vest, coming out to select people and keeping a strict boundary between my work life and my personal life. Attitudes toward gays were still difficult to predict. A person could come across as a good egg and turn nasty at the mention of gay rights, so the uncertainty I felt was real.

I trusted a handful of folks at the office and came out to them. As time goes by, keeping that boundary became harder and harder and the need to keep it became weaker and weaker. People had worked with me for over a decade and never heard me mention a girlfriend or dating, so people started figuring it out. There are some very conservative Christians in my office and I'm not sure how they would react to the news of definitely telling them point-blank. I have no reason to, so I don't.

Back then, even my online life had a dichotomy. Online, "kybearfuzz" was a gay 30-something in KY and "Mark Parmon" was this guy who worked in Cincinnati, Ohio. I even kept separate email addresses for both. When I started posting my online comic book, my real name wasn't on it, only the online alias of "kybearfuzz." Eventually, those two identities merged online. My real name is on the comic. I still keep both email addresses as the one for Mark Parmon has largely become a receptacle for online coupons, credit card info, and a handful of friends.

Today, while I don't feel the need to run up and down the hallways at work with my rainbow flag billowing in the air, I don't feel the need to act differently than I always do. Newer coworkers have figured it out, or have been told by others. Younger co-workers seriously do not have issues about gay people these days. I have a bear flag on the front of my car and one of my gay co-workers openly refers to it as the "Bearmobile."


Me at 45 (15 years out)

We still have a long way to go in terms of gay rights, but things are better, even despite the current administration. When I get to 20 years out, at the ripe old age of 50, I'm very curious where we'll be. Hopefully, still moving forward.

Wallpaper Hell

When I bought my house back in 2001, the previous owner was big on wallpaper. She had wallpapered the living room, hallway, bathroom, and at least one wall in every bedroom, one with a border. Before I'd moved into the house, I removed all the wallpaper in the house, except the living room and hallway. The wallpaper in the room wasn't floral or ugly, but was textured and had a non-descriptive pattern to it. I dreaded taking it down and the uniformity was not unappealing, so I kept it.

Move forward to now and Boo the Devil Cat has been enjoying actively scratching up the wallpaper. While I found it to be okay, it offends her decorative sensibilities. The good news is that the wallpaper seems to be easy to remove. So last night, I decided to test it out by removing a panel above the closet in the living room.


It took maybe 20 minutes to remove the panel. I still need to remove the glue residue. However, I found out something specific. One, the people who put the wallpaper up did it right. No super glue, or stupid stuff. It came down relatively clean and intact. Two, the original owner to the house, not the previous owner, must have put this stuff up. The wall beneath does not appear to have ever been painted. This wallpaper is almost 40 years old.

The latter bit surprised me a bit. The original owner was a single man and I'm betting it was put up by the builders, and the previous owner was a woman and she apparently didn't want to change it. I thought it was strange as her other wallpaper tastes were far different than this pattern.

The problem I'm feeling now is apprehension. With the panel gone, I'm feeling this urge to keep going and get it all down. I'm impatient and a bizarre sense of OCD is making this missing panel grate my nerves. I'm holding off because I need to have time to move the furniture, take down curtains, and remove electrical outlet plates to do it properly. And then comes the fun of picking colors to paint it. I'm not a wallpaper person. I swore I'd never put that $#!+ up after having so much trouble getting it down.

I'm seriously contemplating hiring a professional painter to do this. I have the name of a guy who apparently does good work. I just need to determine what would be a good week to do this as my travel schedule for work is starting to heat up.

Sigh...