The Long Journey Home

I've been in Seattle for the past week for a work meeting. There wasn't any time for sightseeing or meeting local friends, as we worked long days. When Friday rolled around, I was looking forward to getting home, but not the long trip as had my first flight at noon and with a layover and connection, I wasn't slated to get home until 11 PM.

I wish I had gotten home so easily.

Just after I had boarded my flight to Houston, United Airlines canceled my connection from there to Cincinnati due to weather, notifying me by email. I literally got the email as I was shutting down my phone as they were closing the plane door. So, I was stuck. If I had gotten it 20 minutes earlier, I could have switched the flights.

Four hours later, the flight landed in Houston, and I trudged my way to the United information desk for help, which they weren't. There were no other flights to get me home, supposedly even on other airlines, so I was stuck there for the night. I was on standby for a 10 AM flight, guaranteed to a flight at 7 PM. Really, that was the "best" they could do, which sucked. United gave me a number for a discounted hotel rate, but made no offer to pay for it. She told me that my bags were on the baggage claim carousel, so I could pick them up at least.

I walked over to the baggage claim only to find that I would have to wait 2-4 hours for them to get my bag, as the bags from the flight were warehoused. F**k! So I got a bag of cheap toiletries from the baggage claim lady, spoke with a lady with a horribly thick accent on the phone to get a hotel, then waited for the hotel shuttle.

First thing I did at the hotel was wash my shirt, socks, and underwear at the hotel. I just can't handle doing without clean clothes. I called my sister to complain, got my clean clothes from the dryer, showered, and went to bed.

The next morning, I went to the airport and to the gate for my standby flight. The flight was oversold. Seriously, they put me on STANDBY for an OVERBOOKED flight. I was so frustrated and angry, I was shaking. I went to the information desk, my voice quivering as I was nearly exploding. The agent was pushing me through Chicago to Cincinnati. She played the same game as the agent from the night before, put me on standby for one flight, but guaranteed me for another.

I ran like a madman through the airport, running from Terminal B to C, to try to catch this flight. In my sweaty clothes with no deodorant, I puffed my way to the gate to find they had booked me STANDBY on another OVERSOLD flight. It was like a cruel game, to get my hopes up on something that was near impossible.

I made the next flight to Chicago, sitting next to a "sleeping" older man who farted four times during the two hour ride, and made the flight home to Cincinnati. After landing, I got to baggage claim, realizing my bags were there way ahead of me. To put the cherry on top of this very bitter cake, I had to deal with this lazy queen at United's baggage service. When I told him that I was looking for my bag, he pointed me over to the baggage carousel. I told him that my bag had been sent ahead because of a canceled flight, described the bag, and offered my baggage claim ticket. The guy didn't even look at it, put the orange he'd been eating down, and reluctantly went to the next room to get my bag. Bitch...

It took 32.5 hours to get home. The time above includes:

- Four airports in four states
- Three time zones
- Two connections
- One canceled flight
- Two stand-by tickets that failed
- One fruitless long-distance run through the Houston airport
- Six mocha frappacinos
- One pair of underwear
- No deodorant

In almost 23 years of air travel, both domestic and international, I have never experienced anything close to this. I pray I never do again.