Friday funny

[kybearfuzz]

This was sent to me by a friend. I thought I would share it with everyone to spread the laugh. If you know me, I despise politically correct speech, but I do love to make fun of it. Hmmmm... is it politically correct to make fun of politically correct speech??

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" --- She is "BREASTED AMERICAN."
   
   
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" --- She is "VOCALLY
   APPRECIATIVE."
   
   
3. She is not "EASY" --- She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
   
   
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" --- She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
   
   
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" --- She is A "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
   
   
6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" --- She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
   
   
7. She does not get "DRUNK " or "TIPSY" --- She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."
   
   
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" --- She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
   
   
9. She does not "NAG" you --- She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
   
   
10. She is not a "TRAMP" --- She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
    
    
11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" --- She Is "PECTORIALLY SUPERIOR."
    
    
12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" --- She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" --- He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
   
   
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" --- He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
   
   
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" --- He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
   
   
4. He is not "BALDING" --- He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
   
   
5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" --- He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
   
   
6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" --- He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."
   
   
7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" --- He develops a case of
   "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
   
   
8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" --- He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
   
   
9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" --- He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
   
   
10. He is not "HORNY" --- He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."
    
    
11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants --- It's "REAR CLEAVAGE