kybearfuzz | Advice Requested

Today was a particularly odd day at work. I got a significant amount of work done, got to work with a rather nice bear type for the day, and found out that one of my coworkers has decided to leave and take a new job. The last one was right out of left field, no warning given. Change is inevitable.

I had a conversation with a friend and co-worker today that I would like some advice from the peanut gallery on. During a joking moment, my friend said that she didn't eat "fruit loops" (i.e. she's straight) and didn't understand the gay thing. She also made a face and said "gross". This friend of mine is a very nice person, funny and interesting. I've known her and worked with her for years. She is unaware I'm gay (unless I'm far more obvious than I believe). She and another coworker are discussing having me go out on a blind date with the other's niece.

I'm recently out and have not let everyone in on the big deal yet. This situation is bugging me though and I wouldn't mind a few opinions on how to handle it. My friend is clearly closed-minded in regards to gay people and I don't know if she'd socialize with me if she knew. My head say "who cares?", but my gut doesn't feel that way. The situations are starting to form when people are going start asking why I don't want to go out with the cute girl or the nice girl junk. The obvious answer is to tell everyone and it would stop, but I don't want a situation like this to be the reason I come out to questionable people.

Any solicited opinions out there?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hmmmm. Faced with her "gay people are icky" comments, I might come right out and say something like "Susie, you might be surprised how many gay people you actually know," - not in a condescending or mean way, but just to put the thought into her head. She might not associate it with *you,* but she might realize just a little bit that you can't tell about someone's sexuality just by looking. Or, you could say "Hmmm, I don't really feel that way; I have some gay friends I care very much about," or whatever. That lets her know that you're not comfortable with closed-minded attitudes without being really preachy and turning her off altogether. With regards to the fixing-up-with-the-niece situation, you could say something like, "Thanks for thinking of me, Mary, but I'm really not interested in dating any new women right now,". She *might* get the hint, and if not, you're at least being honest and gracious.

Hmmm... direct, but subtle. I like it. Thanks, your Majesty :)

Tough situation... I understand how you feel. I've been friends with some homophobic people and it just kills me that they say such things about it being gross when, to me, it's totally natural and only a small part of one's individuality and I have gay, lesbian, and bi friends and I'm bisexual myself so... it hurts. You need to try to see passed the words the person is saying to the person themselves. I always like to assume that anyone who would say "gross" to such a common, natural thing apparently doesn't know many "gross" people at all... Or they do and they just do not realize it.

If I were you, the next time they make an anti-gay comment, I'd say something like, "Do you know any gay people? You probably do and you just don't realize it. I must admit, hearing you say that about gay people hurts my feelings a little because some of my friends are gay and they are some of the nicest people you could ever have the pleasure of knowing." Or, keep it shorter, by saying something like, "I think gay people are cool because they put up with a lot of discrimination and still manage to lead somewhat happy lives dispite the many people who view them negatively and some of my friends are gay," or, "There are more gay people in the world than you think. In fact, you probably know many and don't realize it," or, just simply, "Well, some of my friends are gay and I think they're great people to know." You get the idea. (sorry, I forgot to caution you, I tend to ramble sometimes LOL)

Just be yourself, think over how you want to react to the comments they make, and before you know it you might come out to them simply because they're your friends, not because of what they say due to ignorance or misunderstanding. When it comes to them trying to set you up with women, just simply explain to them that you're not ready for a realtionship right now or you're not ready to date at the present time. I'm sure that'll hold them off for a while.

Always remember, your sexuality is only a small part of who you are. There are many other things about your personality that are just as small and everything about your individuality is important for, together, it makes up who you truly are... and you're a great guy to know!

*hugs*

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