Bartender Philosophy

[kybearfuzz]

On a lark, I decided to visit the Serpent, the local leather bar here in the Cincinnati area. I've heard many stories about the place, but I really just wanted to see what it was like inside. Also, I'd chatted with one of the bartenders online and he invited me to stop by sometime.

The bartender in question wasn't there, but I did start chatting with the bartender there named Burger. He's a nice looking guy, solid build, somewhat furry, long mustache, pierced nipple. He gave me a quick tour of the bar, which was something to behold, especially the restraint cross, not that I tried it. The place was pretty much empty, but it was early.

He asked me my "story" and I told him about my coming out not long ago, etc. He told me that he didn't envy what was ahead for me. He said that in this day and age, my slut phase would be particularly dangerous and that I wouldn't be able to stop. I looked at him very curiously. After the ensuing discussion, it made me wonder if every gay man went through a slut phase? To hear him describe the multiple partner sex orgy, I don't think I'll ever go through one. I guess there are varying degrees of sluttiness.

After a couple of beers and some good conversation, I headed home. I was told that I should invest in some leather. Not sure I really like leather enough to wear anything other than the boots.

Comments

[daxcub.livejournal.com]

MULTIPLE PARTNER SEX ORGY!?! Where did I go wrong?! How'd I miss the info on that one? I need a new brochure! JULIE! JULIE!!! Where the hell is my cruise director!!! DAMN IT! I want off this Merry Gay round right now! ;)

[poohnnova.livejournal.com]

SEEE! Had you brought MIXERS with all that booze, we could of had one on 10th floor... instead of those Chocotini's from hell!

[cmorley.livejournal.com]

I was a late bloomer and, yes, I did go through a phase. But it wasn't nearly as slutty as 90% of the people I've spoken to about this. So, yeah, I'd say it varies. That "wouldn't be able to stop" comment isn't necessarily true for all people.

But definitely watch yourself, both the physically dubious (and remember, it's not just HIV out there) and with the mentally.

And, if you really feel the need to invest in leather, buy yourself a nice belt. :D

[poohnnova.livejournal.com]

did you steal my picture :)

[kakiniry.livejournal.com]

I am still waiting on my slut phase :) someday...

[poohnnova.livejournal.com]

can I help?

[mat-t.livejournal.com]

See, you have to actually be willing to have sex with guys who hit on you to have a slut phase ;)

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

LOL.. I think I am too :)

[hankbear.livejournal.com]

I'm not exactly waiting, I think I've pretty much skipped it altogether.

[dendren.livejournal.com]

hey... nobody told me this was just a phase. Damn, I hope it doesn't end soon :(

;)

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

I know a lot of us were jealous of your last weekend to the Columbus area :)

[clauditorium.livejournal.com]

I think a lot of people who come out later than their teens have sexual needs they've been suppressing, and sometimes those feelings come out in a burst. They did for me. I came out at 25, and had a good three years of steady sexual activity (once I got started, that is; it took me eight months from coming out to my first sexual experience). It was great. Nothing wrong with it.

But everyone's different, so everyone's so-called "slut phase" is different. Sounds like your bartender described a pretty specific example. I think there's nothing wrong with a period of lots of sex with various partners, as long as you're safe and feel good inside.

You may not think right now that this will happen, but I remember that's what I thought too, until I got to that point. When I first came out, I thought I needed to find the man I love and marry him. But I soon realized that what I needed first was to get my rocks off for a while!

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Well, it sounds like there will be big differences between his slut phase, in which he described hundreds of sexual partners, sometimes many at once, and mine which would likely be concentrated on a few. LOL.. like I can plan a slut phase!

[poohnnova.livejournal.com]

I went through it... I have passed it. Now I am looking for someone who won't tell me I am ugly/too fat

[poohnnova.livejournal.com]

please tell me that icon picture is of you.... PLEAESE!

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Sigh.. if only it was... :(

[nlotic.livejournal.com]

"it made me wonder if every gay man went through a slut phase"

As someone who just came out too, I haven't gone through or have any desire to go through a "slut phase". I figured out in my early 20s that I was more monogamous.

I think many people don't give consideration to where they fall on the monogamy scale. Some people just aren't the monogamous type and that's fine for them. Others (like me) seem to be more monogamous.

I don't know if is something that just as genetic as sexuality or what.

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

It's an interesting situation. I think with the threat of diseases and such, it's hard to consider being too promiscuous these days. I personally would rather have one guy to do things with.

[mat-t.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. I think that for most gay guys, it is true that we have a 'slut phase'. Now, what that means varies widely by person. For one thing, I don't think it always happens immediately. And even when it does, it's often relative to how much sex you were having previously. Heck, for the first 2 years I was "out", I had no sex. Then, I had approximately one per year for over 5 years, I was having sex maybe once a year. In the past year and a half, I've suddenly been having a 'slut phase', but again, that's a relative increase over 1/year. *g* So you never know. *g*

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Well, I think it boils down that everyone has their own version of it maybe, but not the blatant orgy that the bartender was describing.

[mikiedoggie.livejournal.com]

I never had a slut phase when I came out. In fact, I went from sort of normal gay dating to 4 years of no sex, then a trickle of sex, and now I'm more in a normal what I call "mildly promiscuous" phase. ;-) But definitely never a slut phase. Unless you include that one weekend. [coughs] BUt that's not a phase. That's an outlyer.

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

LOL.. an outlier? How scientific! :D

[stereobare.livejournal.com]

I too came out fairly late!?!, I was 28. I did have a "slut phase" (2 of them I think). As relationships end, I've noticed I'm much more pickier when I do get with someone. And the last one I dated, really set me back....now I think I'm in a "celibate phase".

And as for the leather thing? As one posted earlier? get a belt, or maybe a vest.

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

LOL.. well, it depends on the budget on what I'd buy!

[artsycub.livejournal.com]

If you'd like to borrow some "gear" to see if you're into it I have access to some. I recently found out the guy I'm dating has quite the collection. :\

The lesson of the day?...."Always, always, ALWAYS search your boyfriend's walk-in closets. He may be hiding more than his sexual orientation in there." ;)

[cincycub.livejournal.com]

*perks up* artsycub has leather? *drool*

[cincycub.livejournal.com]

Hehe... aren't you the explorer :) Burger is SO kuh-yooot... and, well, flirty, but you obviously experienced that yourself!

As far as the slut phase... yeah... I'd say most (though not all) gay men go through some period of heightened sexual activity.

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Well, I like to scope out a place when I can actually see it. Burger showed me what the place is usually like, less light and louder music when the place is full, but while I was there it was brighter and quieter. And yeah, Burger is a hawt guy! I can't believe he's in his late 40's, I'd have never guessed.

... but all the things you've told me about the place? I can imagine it there, especially with the restraints on the big X there.

[cincy-dave.livejournal.com]

While it is true that some gay people go through a slut phase, it is certainly not a requirement. Do what makes you feel comfortable.

And don't run out and purchase a bunch of leather unless you want to.
(But if you do, I want pics! Woof!)

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

LOL.. I don't think a new leather wardrobe is in the budget, boots maybe, chaps... I don't think so :)

[daltxfurry.livejournal.com]

"Slut" and "Slut phase" are open to debate and definition. For most people sluts are 1) people who are getting more sex than you are or; 2) someone who will sleep with someone other than you. :-)

I dunno if I am a slut or not and whether I am going through a phase or not. :-) As for multiple people sexy orgy...don't knock it til you try it... :-) But that's a story for another time and place.

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Oooh... I wait in grand anticipation for the orgy story!!!

[jprtoronto.livejournal.com]

Define "slut phase".

It means different things to different people. For you a slut phase could be three dates with different guys in 3 weeks. For others it's a "the orgy that never ended".

I think everyone has an "exploratory phase" that is, not quite ready to settle down and willing to date different people, but not necessarily a "slut phase".

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Maybe I would more consider myself to be in the "exploratory phase."

[polomex.livejournal.com]

Something tells me I should say something here, having been through the "slut phase"... but I'm not really sure there is anything left to say at this point.

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

LOL.. fair enough, but fire away... all words are welcome. :)

[raphbearish.livejournal.com]

I think everything's been covered under the slut phase portion of your entry. I kind of had one myself, having met one guy I did everything with rather early on, and maintaining an f-buddy relationship for nearly 2 years. We occasionally had ourselves threesomes. Going through said phase really depends a lot on your own comfortability with it, and also depends on your city. Your scene may be bigger/smaller than others.

As for leather, I hate it when people say "You should try such and such". They're only picturing you in it and it's a pretty objectifying statement. You can take it as flattery though, if you want. Boots are pretty tame though. Basic leather cuffs are too. You don't need to butch it up by getting studded cuffs.

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

Well, the bartender seemed to think that having a f-buddy didn't necessarily constitute a "slut phase".. it does seem like a difficult thing to define, it seems specific to a person and the personality of that person.

[jbear70.livejournal.com]

I think because everyone is different, everyone's "slut phase" for lack of better terminology is different. I wouldn't put much stock in what the bartender said. I think he was talking from his own experiences.

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

LOL.. well, true enough.