Nine Years Out of the Closet

[kybearfuzz]

There was a day nine years ago this month that I looked in the mirror and admitted to myself that I was gay. It's hard to believe it took so long and so much effort to say such a thing, but it was. After that, it got easier to say. I wish I could recall the exact date, but oddly that date got lost in the excitement of things.


Nine Years and Many More to Go
"Born Gay" shirt by chrisglass

Yesterday, I was talking to a coworker and friend. She told me that during lunch her boss had remarked that it took her a long time to "figure Mark out." They were talking about past employees and had somehow come to employees they knew or suspected was gay. She said she wasn't derogatory about it, but just curious.

I'm not upset by this. Realistically, I have worked in this office for years. Most people are curious enough of everyone's lives that they realize they've never heard me talk of a girlfriend or a wife. At my age, I think it's natural for people to wonder if maybe getting married to a woman isn't really my thing. So "figuring Mark out" shouldn't be difficult to folks who pay a bit of attention.

One of the great perks of being out is doing things that I would likely never have done while in the closet (And I ain't just talking about the secks). Friday night, I'm going to see Miss Magnolia Beaumont Goes to Provincetown, a play about the spirit of a southern debutante finding herself trapped in the body of the thirty-year-old gay man on his way to Provincetown, Massachusetts for a birthday vacation. Someday, I'll hope to visit Provincetown... sans the possession by a Southern belle.

Luckily I'm one of those already. :)

Comments

[designerotter.livejournal.com]

Good post! ... I remember having to do exactly the same thing, mirror and all, but the year was something like 1966. I suspect a lot of gay men have been through this personal rite of passage. I'm not sure it has gotten any easier a number of generations later. But in the long run, it's life-afirming - and essential if you plan on surviving.

I sort of lucked out by choosing the profession of theatre, where our kind is hardly a rarity. Still, the first step is always self-acceptance, and that may have been the hardest thing I've ever done. Looking back though, I realize that lots of people (not necessarily friendly ones) around me knew I was gay ... the only thing that got me through was the fact that the entire society practiced strict 'don't ask, don't tell' in those days.

Love your T-shirt ...now that's something nobody saw in the 1960's ;0) Thanks for posting ...
Hugs to you, my friend.

[kybearfuzz.livejournal.com]

I often wonder how I would have handled things back in the 1960's. In my small KY town, the possibiilties makes me shudder. I'm glad you were in a profession that at least had you surrounded by at least some like-minded folks.

And the tee-shirt is one of my favorites. I should wear my "Straight Friendly" shirt next time. It's a great shade of orange.

Big hugs!!! :)