kybearfuzz (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
kybearfuzz) wrote2006-05-19 10:26 am
kybearfuzz) wrote2006-05-19 10:26 am
Friday Jokes and Stuff
Ah, so happy Friday is here. I'm heading down to my hometown this afternoon, hopefully missing another wonderful traffic jam created by the visiting Commander-in-Chief to this area. ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
aceofspace will be in town too, so I'm sure we'll be hitting the restaurants and movies that Corbin has to offer this weekend.
I saw the series finale of Will & Grace last night. It made me sad to see it go, but it's had a good run and I like the ending the writers created. Even though I hadn't watched the show regularly this year, I love to see the finales. I was one of those millions of TV viewers who saw the original airing of the series finale of M*A*S*H in 1983. I was ten and it still made me cry.
Well, I tried to do a "Friday Five" question list or a "Caption Me" photo, but my mind is kind of blank today. So here are some jokes sent to me (behind the cuts) by a friend for laughs.
For Laughs -- Children's Science Exam Answers
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All
water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no
water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where
the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean? (I do love this one...)
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word " benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
For my tomcat Murphy -- Cats & Physics
Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside
force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. (Or a
boot.)
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to
change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetis
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to
the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in
which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just
taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as
uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that
has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to
stop.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do
something.
First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will,
therefore, use as little energy as possible.
Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and
take out something good to eat.
Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of
light.
Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in
any given room.
Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest
possible nanosecond.
Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the
amount of human laughter.
Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of
the furniture.
Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible.
Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of
milk consumed.
Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of
effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter
aceofspace will be in town too, so I'm sure we'll be hitting the restaurants and movies that Corbin has to offer this weekend.I saw the series finale of Will & Grace last night. It made me sad to see it go, but it's had a good run and I like the ending the writers created. Even though I hadn't watched the show regularly this year, I love to see the finales. I was one of those millions of TV viewers who saw the original airing of the series finale of M*A*S*H in 1983. I was ten and it still made me cry.
Well, I tried to do a "Friday Five" question list or a "Caption Me" photo, but my mind is kind of blank today. So here are some jokes sent to me (behind the cuts) by a friend for laughs.
For Laughs -- Children's Science Exam Answers
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All
water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no
water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where
the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean? (I do love this one...)
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word " benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
For my tomcat Murphy -- Cats & Physics
Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside
force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. (Or a
boot.)
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to
change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetis
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to
the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in
which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just
taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as
uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that
has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to
stop.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do
something.
First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will,
therefore, use as little energy as possible.
Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and
take out something good to eat.
Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of
light.
Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in
any given room.
Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest
possible nanosecond.
Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the
amount of human laughter.
Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of
the furniture.
Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible.
Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of
milk consumed.
Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of
effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter
no subject
no subject
Cat Science
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the
amount of human laughter."
Psychokitty never learned this law. There is no such thing as embarrassment
"Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can."
Addendum: ...and then throw up on the most expensive object in range
Re: Cat Science
no subject
no subject
Will & Grace
Have a safe trip to Corbin. Say hi to Berea for me. :-)
Re: Will & Grace
Re: Will & Grace
Hope you're doing well :)